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What is holding you back?

We all have goals and dreams. For some it is enough to dream. Others have trained themselves with much perseverance to not only find joy in the creation of these dreams but in the accomplishment thereof. I have always had the unwavering belief that all my dreams come true – and so they have. Yet, I am holding myself back on the seemingly challenging goals. Why is that?  I am determined to find out and this blog is the first step.

Is it my childhood? I was raised in the ‘perfect’ family, yet it was far from perfect. This is not a bad thing. We all need the imperfection to see the perfection. Would it help to blame circumstances or is it just another delay, another excuse, because you are scared to fail. The reality is that you cannot fail at life. There is no one recipe for success. We are human and our capacity to evolve in any direction is limitless. As a child I was under a lot of pressure to succeed at everything. I got the straight A’s, the degrees, the leadership roles, made the first team in sports, I set the example – I did what was expected of me. For years I was fighting the success. I was fighting the pressure. How much more fun would it have been if I did it out of my own accord?

I wanted to and still want to live life at my own pace. Do not tell me … I want to get there on my own, be it in thought or flesh. I now realise that I am still running from the pressure and taking away from the joy of my success. I have trained myself to be successful, yet associating it with something which is outside myself and imposed on me, reason being why I have always fought for the fun in life, unknowingly robbing myself from fully embracing experiences. I am scared that success will take away the fun, the power that I have nurtured since childhood. I have created this program in my mind. The good news is that I am also the one that can undo it.

So how do I do this?

1.) I bring awareness to the subject. Done.

2.) I create a new image of success, one that is fun.

Having a successful relationship can be fun, it does not have to be boring. There need not be constant challenges, beliefs to be bridged and problems to be solved. I do not need to stay in a toxic environment only to say that I have remained loyal and thus have made a success of it.

Having a successful business does not mean that I have to give up all the fun of being a child. Each day, be it you are young or old, you have responsibilities. Responsibilities towards oneself and in daily life, are pretty normal. I no longer need to see it as part of being a boring ‘grown-up’. No one is putting pressure on me anymore. I have left my parents’ home a very long time ago. I decide my own pace and giving my power away to others, who quite frankly couldn’t care less, is limiting.

The desire to be more, to evolve, is always there and finding excuses to not heed to it, takes up a lot of energy. Energy that can be used to enjoy life. That is what makes you feel out of sync and out of balance. It is a good idea to write down this new image of success and visiting it often in your mind or to start with, reading it as often as you can. Soon it will not only be words on paper, but a feeling. Visualisation is a powerful tool in creation, be sure to use it.

3. Now that I have admitted that I am holding myself back, taken responsibility for it and created a new image of success, I have to put it into action.

Be happy that you have dreams and that you are able to grow and learn through the act of living life. Identify the actions which are part of the old paradigm and slowly start eliminating them from your life. Doing something for a long time, does not mean it is the best thing to do. It is a habit. Habits are easy to break – start believing that and it will be so. Do you really need to watch that much TV or stream movies each night? Could you be spending this time getting closer to your goals? Think about where you want to be, conjure up that image of success again and then find the motivation to change your habits.

4.) Generate excitement.

Think about the new experiences you will have, the things you will learn, the people you will interact with. Visualise the joy of the process. Do not be discouraged by those who do not support your change. They will fall by the wayside, making space for other people who share your vision and who find it as exciting to be successful.

5.) Live in gratitude.

Gratitude is a generator of abundance. Be grateful for all the people who have crossed your path, those who have showed you what you don’t want so that you can bridge the gap to what you ultimately desire, and for those who showed you what you do want. Get up each day and expect good to happen. Expect this process of learning and changing to be easy. Give thanks to the Universe for everything, the perceived ‘bad’ and the good.

Get out there and live the life you deserve to live. No excuses, no blame, no doubt. Let the Clarity within be your guidance.

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Friends forever or not?

I have never been a groupie, yet I have many people I call friends all over the world. I am indeed very sociable and get along with people from all walks of life. I am not shy and I have my dad to thank for that. When I was little, he encouraged me and my siblings to go up to grown-ups to ask for information, like where to find a shop. I was always the one who was very keen to do this and thus I think I have cultivated the habit of approaching people with ease, over many years. I especially find it very important to introduce myself to strangers after meeting them. Strangely not everybody cares about making your acquaintance.

Over the past couple of months, I have been traveling through Italy and France and I have met many people, most of whom I now treasure. Are they really my friends or are they people I have met, got along with and had fun with?

I think friendship comes in different forms. I looked up some definitions and found the following:

The Oxford Dictionary says it is “A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.”

This sounds about right, feeling affectionate towards someone and it being reciprocated. As with any relationship there are always expectations and no two people have the same expectation of the other. I would say a good friend is one who has no expectation. Who is there to love, appreciate and support their counterpart.

Can someone you have sexual relations with be your friend? I have experienced such relationships and have seen partnerships that were also beautiful friendships. Is it not so that many of the thriving relationships started out as friendships? Most probably because at the outset, the relationship was not restricted by the do’s and don’ts of romantic relationships.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary friend means, “a person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family. ”

I have recently acquired a friend here in the South of France. Jackie is lovely. As with all good encounters, we made our acquaintance quite randomly on a night out along the French Riviera. Soon after, we spent afternoons on the beach, chatting away like long lost friends. There was instant trust and understanding and most importantly no expectations. Time was invested and through very entertaining and in depth conversations we got to know each other well.

Some months before I met the infamous Helen. Not referring to myself here, please note. I would say that this is a much less intense friendship. We are both easy going and we both have different interests and groups of friends, yet our bond is solid. What I enjoyed most of my time with Helen was that I could truly be myself, say what I think and do what I want without being judged. I could feel that she sincerely did not judge me.

Should friendship last forever? Is it worth hanging on to people purely because you feel that you have invested in that relationship? Do you justify the time spent staying in contact with someone, because you like to feel valued? Or do you actually truly care for the other person? These are questions to consider carefully.

I have decided to develop my own definition of friendship. “A friend is someone whom you love sincerely and who stimulates self-love and -acceptance.” Let us appreciate our friends each day and extract as much joy possible from the beautiful shared experiences the Universe has blessed us with.

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The beauty of pain

We have all experienced pain in our lives. Some suffer from ill health, others have lost loved ones and on a daily basis we struggle with limiting beliefs and thoughts that hinder a joyful life experience. We want to get rid of the pain as soon as it surfaces and by focusing on it we only tend to make it worse. How can you be OK with pain then? How can you become comfortable with such an uncomfortable feeling?

Thinking about these questions calls for a perspective change. Pain is for me a feeling which lingers for as long as it takes to heal those aspects which caused the manifestation of a painful experience in the first place. Finding ways to numb the pain only prolongs the inevitable. You have been forced to expand, you can either accept it and be happy about it, or you can fight it and be stuck with the pain.

Yet, there is a way to turn that pain into something beautiful. Artists, musicians, writers, all know about the healing power of allowing feelings of sadness and pain to flow through one and transform into strength, clarity and the creation of something beautiful.

Never look to where you came from, look towards where you are heading. Evolution is always calling you forward and the joy lies in discovering the path of least resistance towards your desires. There is no ‘one recipe’ to success. You are unique and so are your choices. No one can tell you how to deal with your pain, yet it is something which you should not dwell in. It is what it is. There is a path of beauty and joy carved out for you and often times the pain is only an indication of an opportunity for further expansion.

Staying sad is a choice. You have full control over your thoughts. It is such a powerful realisation, yet we let our thoughts think us. We find ways to justify our experience. We blame others and our situations for our suffering.

Let your pain be what it is – an indication of resistance towards expansion. Feel it and let it go. Take control of your experience and reach for what feels good. If you need help, ask for it, but never allow others to control the direction of your thoughts. Trust that the Divine will guide your every step forward and be happy for this life.

 

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It turns out better than expected

Being happy is important to me. If it was not, I would have never written You, Me and Happiness. It is of such importance that I have devoted my entire life to the subject. Truth to be told, I still fall into the trap of doubting my capacity to enjoy this life when things don’t go my way. Yet, I have learnt that negative experiences are necessary in the process of evolution.

The key is not to get swept away by the illusion. We get so caught up in what goes on around us. We weigh up the pros and the cons of every situation. We judge ourselves and others. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be good, happy and successful. We forget the value of simplicity. We have a breath. It comes into us and sustains us. It gives us countless opportunities to enjoy life and to appreciate. What we are looking for is inside us and we tend to forget this. We look for love, security, approval and a sense of self in all the wrong places and then when we feel the perceived loss of those things, be it the loss of a loved one, a job, an idea or money, we find ourselves distraught. Why? Because we never had a solid foundation and connection with our Source to begin with.

At any given moment you have access to all the resources you need. There is an endless stream of love, clarity, wisdom, understanding and joy flowing through you. You have been given a brain and the ability to choose freely that which you think. You have been given intuition, stimulated by impulses which ultimately lead you to your highest desires. Every thought you have is backed by a feeling and if you tune yourself into assessing these feelings consistently and choosing that which feels good, then your life will unfold as you envisioned it.

If you picture yourself standing on a mountain, looking down at your life, what do you see? Through acting as the Observer and not judging every move you make, you release some of the tension, intensity and resistance. When you realise that there is no urgency to anything, that you cannot get it wrong, that there is nothing wrong with you and that you have all the resources to be happy in each moment, you truly start to live fully.

Live with the belief that things will turn out better than expected. Stay true to yourself. There is no loss or gain. Life is meant to be fun. Lighten up and expect good things to come your way.